You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
