How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just cropdusted the office
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
