Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
