at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
