I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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