my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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