what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
