I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
