Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
