Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
