It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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