you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
