I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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