hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
