Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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