so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
