remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
