ya dads aren't the best wingmen
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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