Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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