2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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