I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
