This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
