just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
