By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
