Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize