Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
