mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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