Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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