before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Watching her eat just hurts me
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
