yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
