don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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