Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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