I need help removing her.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
