I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
