Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
