So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
