Duck Duck Cougar?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
