shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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