i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
