im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize