I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
