No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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