I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
