I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
