I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
