I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
