The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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