1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
