im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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