thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
