Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
