I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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