I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
