Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
