I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
