i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize