1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize