So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
