dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize