everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
