I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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