I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
