now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
