Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
