Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
