am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize